New

“I am doing something brand new, something unheard of. Even now it sprouts and grows and matures. _Don’t you perceive it?_ I will make a way in the wilderness and open up flowing streams in the desert. Wild beasts, jackals, and owls will glorify me. For I supply streams of water in the desert and rivers in the wilderness to satisfy the thirst of my people, my chosen ones so that you, whom I have shaped and formed for myself, will proclaim my praise.” – Isaiah 43:19-21 (TPT)

I was recently reading a friend’s post about her father being the reason she is the incredible woman she is today. And I found myself thinking about my own father and the impact he has made on the person I am today. As most people know, he wasn’t the most present father, so I couldn’t exactly say that my dad had made the best impact on the woman I am today. So I just about laid that thought to rest as soon as it crossed my mind. But over the next few days, I sensed the Holy Spirit continue to nudge me in the direction of that thought again. I mean I wasn’t a good sport about it, so I just ignored it.

During one of the WorshipU Worship Retreat sessions, the song “It Is Well” was heavy on my heart. And closer to the end of the session, Kristene DiMarco actually mentioned it. So after the session, I sat in my room and played the song, definitely expecting God to give me all kinds of profound revelations about the session I had just watched. That didn’t happen. Instead He reminded me of the day I stood in Church next to my sister, singing that same song. The first time I had been in Church since my dad had passed away. It was also the first time I surrendered to God in worship and it wouldn’t be the last. Look, my dad didn’t get many things right. But his choice to get in front of a man with a loaded gun, trying to protect my little sister, has completely had an impact on the woman I am today. Sounds strange! I know! But it was in the middle of that valley that I got my first Bible, as an inheritance from my father and actually took my salvation seriously. It was out of that place of grief that I learned to worship Him in Spirit and truth. It was out of that place that I discovered that I would lead worship.
A way in the wilderness.
A flowing stream in the desert.

In January of 2017, I sensed the Holy Spirit say He was doing something new and I was all for it! Until He said I should leave Youth ministry and concentrate completely on worship. Now you have to understand how strange an ask this was. I had just auditioned. Had not been rostered for anything. Had gone to a handful of Team Nights because I auditioned just before our December holidays. (Which meant I would be going home for almost 3 months.) I still remember how awkward I felt having the conversation with our Youth pastor at the time because I didn’t even know what was happening. It made very little sense to me, let alone the people I was telling. It almost looked like I was just chasing the platform and making it seem like “God called me to it”. But it was that choice to trust Him, that helped me begin to discover the call of God on my life and positioned me on platform the day He said “Now you’re ready for Hillsong College”. A move that had never happened in our family before.
Something new.
Something unheard of.

The word ‘perceive’ means to ‘become aware or conscious of something, come to realise or understand’. This has been my word for the longest time. Because I love controlling and knowing what exactly I’m getting myself into. I need to understand what is always happening at all times. Which has been a difficult thing to grapple with when it comes to my faith, because God does things far beyond what we could ever imagine or think, and that’s sometimes unsettling when you want to know what that means for you and your current situation. But the more I’ve said “yes” to God, the more I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that my relationship with God is more about perceiving a move of God rather than being in control of one. I have learnt to be okay with coming to realise or understand in retrospect rather than in the midst of it.

When I left Sydney I kept saying that I would have been better off if I stayed there. I had a job. Finances were a little touch and go but home is a different world in terms of finding a job and staying alive. So Sydney would have been safer. What I didn’t know was that where I worked would end the season early, so I wouldn’t have had that income. And with an entire pandemic shaking the world, finding a job would have been difficult. Many people have lost their jobs. But I still would have had to pay rent, semester fees, as well as all my psychology consultations. Only then would I have been able to cover my own monthly expenses. And to top it all off, I would have been in isolation, far from my family and friends.

Since my move to SA, I’ve had a friend (who I met while he was an exchange student in Stellenbosch) read my blog and feel compelled to send me money every single month. And with me being in South Africa, instead of Sydney, the exchange rate has allowed this to cover majority of my monthly expenses. I’ve stayed with my siblings, and now my best friend, with no real expectation or pressure to contribute to my stay until I can. A man who I have never met, and has never met me has agreed to pay for my psychotherapy. And I’ve had a tribe come alongside me like never before.
A way in the wilderness
A flowing stream in the desert

1. Produced, introduced, or discovered recently or now for the first time; not existing before.
2. Already existing but seen, experienced, or acquired recently or now for the first time.

This is the Oxford dictionary definition of the adjective “new”.

We don’t know what ‘new’ looks like. We’ve never seen it. We’ve never experienced it. But God knows. God has seen the new.
In the form of a not-so-present father leaving a life-altering inheritance for his daughter.
In the form of my grief birthing my worship.
In the form of discovering the call of God on my life through my ‘yes’.
In the form of provision in an unexpected detour.
In the form of every good thing under the Son.

Only He knows and understands what is happening at all times.

“In the crushing,
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil I now surrender
You are breaking new ground”

Only when I started to focus on the word ‘new’ instead of the word ‘wine’, did the words that followed have a whole new meaning…

“So I yield to You and to Your careful hand
When I trust You I don’t need to understand”

5 thoughts on “New

  1. I have read every single one of your blogs Nandi and every single one of them have helped me grow in my journey too. Love you so much Sisi💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And as she learns to trust, she grows. This girl becomes more and more like Jesus and honestly its the most beautiful thing to witness. This journey has been an inspiration to many, a light within a dark tunnel for some, and a reason to hope for others. I am proud of you. You are becoming…

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s